Sushi for breakfast

Is not a good idea. No matter how appealing a california roll is at 8am, don't do it. You really shouldn't eat sushi at all, if it's purchased at a supermarket. Those who know, know.

To all ya'll who work in retail---You ever have those travelling saleskids that go from store to store with a dufflebag full of broken shit, trying to sell it so that their boss' will let their family out of the shipping container en route to Bangkok. They've all got the same Ron Popeil sales pitch, where the deal keeps getting better and better as they ramble on.

Well, this kid comes in the other day, shaking like a leaf. He stumbles through the front door and drops his dufflebag. He stammers through his opening line, "H-H-Hi! H-How are you today?"

Big fucking smile crosses my face, "What useless crap are you slingin' today?"

"Oh, hehe. Yeah. Um...Well, check this out. It's a S-S-S-Super Soaker. They sell for $20 in the stores," he replies.

"The package say's H2O 5000, and there's spare parts floating in the bag," I said.

"W-W-Well, how does 2 for $10 sound?"

"What else you packing?"

He continues to show me his other goods. It's a package of shit from Tactical Gear. A watch, Torch-Lighter w/ built in compass. (Because I only light my cigarettes when facing due north) And it also comes with an L.E.D. flashlight. How much for all this you ask? $10. That's right, $10.

So he continues, "Do you have any kids?"

I point behind him towards our front showroom, which is accessible through a sliding glass door. On the other side, is my 3 year old son, face mashed against the glass, complete with ear-to-ear kool-aid moustache, dirty face, and Elmo overalls.

"Take it up with the big man," I say, gesturing for my son to come out.

My boy makes hasty decisions.

Easiest sale that kid ever made.

So now I have a watch straight out of a box of Corn Flakes, a Flashlight that doesn't work, and a lighter that my fiance nearly burnt her eyebrows off with. Oh yeah, and two squirt guns that drip more water than shoot. ('Cuz they were TWO for TEN!)
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Ever come across that guy who JUST DOESN'T GET IT? What is it with these fucks? They ask a question (Do you do repairs?) and you answer it (No). But that's never enough. Do you repair VCR's? No. We don't do repairs.

Then there's that 15-30 second pause, and they'll ask the same question slightly modified again. This gets frustrating. Extremely frustrating. Then they have to get as much information from you as possible as to who could help them. Asking my ass to write down the number on a piece of paper. As if the 4 phone books published by various companies at their house couldn't possibly contain the same information. Retards.