Stupid fucking Olympics

I swore when I started this shit that I wasn't going to go off on the Olympics. But, as your luck would have it, I find a lot of time to watch people run for a hunk of tin. Or gold, whatever. I saw some shit on the other night, as I was well into my 8th whiskey, that made me spill my drink with awe and disgust. Well, those who know me, know spilling the drink is just like punching a Catholic Priest, shitting on the pulpit, and jacking off on the Virgin Mary. That shit just AIN'T COOL.

Race-walking. That's what I saw. Fucking RACE-walking. It looks like a bunch of fucking soccer moms that all have the massive squirts trying to get to the toilet first. It's a fucking pathetic display of athletic prowess. Yeah, so they do this silly diareaha walk for 20k. Big deal. If I had to take a crap that bad, and was on national TV, I'd walk 40k. Whoopity shit. Who fucking decided this was Olympic worthy? There's already some stupid nancy-pansy bullshit events like fucking badmitton and water polo. Did the ninny's from Queer Eye get in the Olympic Chariman's pants? Cuz...yeah....the games aren't gay enough already.

Now, I'm not gay or anything, but I think Unicorns totallly kick ass. So do gymnastics. Seriously. That Paul Hamm guy may sound like fucking oompa-loompa, but he's got crazy flippingtwistingbalancing skills. Plus, he's gota twin brother that flips and shit too. I bet they get mad pussy all day long. Unless the stroke each other's nether regions instead. That'd be a fucking shame. Anyway, he's cooler than this Dolph-Lundgren fucking look-a-like that was on last night. He did some cutesy little prance 'n' dance, and the score was too low. So he pouts like a shit stained retard, and the crowd gets into it. Too many fucking gyros or some shit, and the crowd is pissed. Like a nazi watching Seinfeld kinda pissed. The judges ended up pussing out and giving him a few more points. Dolph lundgren still lost. I think. I was pretty drunk by that point and was having a hard time telling muscular germans and russians and persians apart.

To wrap things up without any pacing or style, here ya go.