Da boat

So I spent this weekend at Lake Shasta with some friends getting fucking tanked. Well...I was, anyway. Yeah...


I woke up around 4:45am saturday morning, and got the wife and kid in the car. I felt like a kid on Christmas morn. We pack up and head out, arriving at Bailey cove right around 9:30. I basically shoo the wife and kid off and open up my bag of liquid personality. Bam! A fifth of So-Co is gone by 12:30, and I start acting like a drunken cheerleader yelling for my friends to do flips and shit while riding behind the boat.

In retrospect, I should have been more supportive of their efforts. Because before I knew it, it was my turn to get behind the boat. Thank god I had some liquid courage. I start off on the knee-board, since I was too drunk to balance. No problems getting up, doing spins, but when I tried to clear the wake, I ate shit. Repeatedly. I still taste the fucking lake when I spit up a fatty phlem wad.

So we get off the boat at some time, and dresss in our fancies to go to Dry Creek Station, where we were met with 5 dollar long-island iced tea, and $15 dollar all-you-can-eat ribs. Though I opted for the prime rib & prawns, the conversation was nill due to extreme hunger.

I have a habit (not really bad) of really getting to know whoever is serving me food. Especially when I'm drunk.

"What's your name?" I ask.
"(name removed due to excessive alcohol intake)" she replied.
"Good, I hate getting my food from someone I don't know. "

She smile a bit oddly, and walked away with our orders. As soon as she rounds the corner, I realize that I forgot her name already.

"What's your name?" I ask.
She tells me again, and I respond with "Good, I hate getting my food from somone I don't know."

I did the same thing with the bartender, a fat, homely girl who was pleased to be treated so kindly by the sexy me and my sexxy boyz. This resulted in us receiving cheap drinks, to excess. She was going off on how she was such a nice girl, who rarely parties, etc. It was only later that I found out she has a breathalyzer attached to her car, and is on house arrest for her 3rd DUII. This was funny. So was me begging her to let me blow on her device, "just for fun". I'm sure I woulda hit .20 by that point.

So we hang around waiting for a few more guys in out party to arrive in Redding. Kareoke starts, and that's when I shine my best. Not becuase I can sing particularly well, but becuase I heckle with the best of them. I kept shouting sexual advances to a group of 10-ish year old girls who I guess are like this little bar's pride and joy. (Thus explaining the prescence of severe minors in a bar) Most people, I'm guessing their families, were not so amused.

I was asked to leave (mostly by my old boss, I think) after screaming out, "YOU SUCK!" to some dude singing some country bullshit song. I would have shown them all how it's done, but I was too drunk to read the song list. Too many numbers and whatnot. Their loss.

All this resulted in me waking up at 1:30am monday morning UNABLE TO WALK. Hypokalimia or some shit like that. My legs were cramped to all hell, and there was nothing I could do about it. All day at the emergency room led to me getting doped up with some cool pills to take home. I guess I just can't get drunk like a normal person anymore.