Liquid Courage

So I get a call last night from my boss. Christmas eve, and some numbskull client can't figure out his fucking audio/video system. He's a big wig for the local newspaper, so it's a big deal. Now I've already had a couple of drinks in me, so I agree to call the guy and see if I can walk him through it.

Perhaps it was the alcohol, but I was unable to help him. I tell him that I'll call my boss and see if he approves an after hours service call. I radio my boss and then the damnest thing happens. My testicles inflate to nearly three times their size. My chest puffs out like a fat belly after being released from a belt.

"Hey Boss, I'll make a deal with you. I'll do this service call, even though I've had a few to drink, and it's Christmas Eve, on one condition. I want paid holidays," I tell him.

Silence on the other end.

"What?" he replies.

"I'll do this if you agree to pay all my holidays from here out," I repeat.

"Done. Just don't tell anybody," he agrees.

Now there are around 45 employees in this company. Only about 5 or 6 get paid holidays and they're the ones who have been there for 10+ years. So now I'm stoked.

I have the wifey drive me to their house and I fix their shit in less than an hour. The guy and his wife are greatfull, and he palms me a c-note for my trouble.

It was a great night.

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Merry Christmas to all my friends and crap. Sorry you didn't get any presents. Or cards. You probably won't even get a phone call. Unless I decide to drunk-dial tonight. Deal with it. That's the price to pay to know me.